The show is called The Substitute, and it is inspired by my own experiences as a substitute teacher. The main character is basically based on how I envision my life were to go if I were to quit chasing my dreams and become complacent with my life of debauchery.
Gabriel is a 25 year old college graduate who has yet to get past his weed phase and lacks motivation. Though talented, smart, intelligent, and charismatic, Gabriel's habits and general synicism have kept him from maximizing his potential. On his third year as a substitute, Gabriel is dumped by his fiancee of three years and girlfriend of five. He works with his parents, who reluctantly get him a job at their school district. Gabriel lives with two friends, who are college dropouts who make more money than he does.
Gabriel frequently encounters friends from high school and college, who remind him of all of his involvements and achievement in school. When they find out what he does now, all of gabriel's friends are pleasantly surprised at how humble his situation is.
Gabriel's break-up leaves him even more empty and pushes him to more smoking, drinking, and cynicism. It is not until he sees his girl with a new boyfriend where he wakes up..
Friday, September 30, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
One Night in Hong Kong
I often complain to myself abot living a rather pedestrian life. Then, I'll look back at events that occured maybe a month previously and wonder why I never wrote about it when it happened.
August 27 2011
I had a lunchtime trans-pacific flight the next day, meaning I had to get up early the next morning. I had to make a decision: go to bed early and get up early, well-rested for an entire day of travel, or, party all night in Hong Kong, stumble drunkenly onto the plane, and pass out for my 12.5 hour flight. Being a Hong Kong addict, I went with the latter.
I was meeting a friend at a club in the Lan Kwai Fong area, but was having serious difficulty finding this club. I wandered around, refusing to ask for directions, as it is a bitch move. As I got more and more lost, it became apparent to anyone watching me that I was, in fact, lost.
I walked past a park, and saw an Indian man sitting on bench, looking about as shady as a lonely minority sitting in an empty park near the bar district of metropolitan city can look. Nonetheless, our eyes met. As I approached him to ask where this bar was, there was a certain acknoledgement in our eye contact that indicated to both of us that we had one thing in common: an appreciation for recreational drugs.
"What are you looking for?"
"Well, a bar, but how much for _______?"
After a few seconds, it was apparent that there would be no transaction. I wasn't surprised, I was broke and prices in Hong Kong are ridiculous. What I didn't expect was for him to offer to smoke me out and show me to the bar.
As a walked down an empty, roach infested alley, I started to what wonder if my better judgement was being applied here. There are some lesson I've been taught all my life that were flashing through my mind. Don't talk to strangers. Don't do drugs. Don't walk down dark alleyways. Don't walk down dark alleyways with strangers to do drugs
I overreacted, as we proceeded to get into much better moods. Apparently hustlin' on the park bench had left my friend Baba stressed, and in need of a brown friend to smoke a joint with. Once we were done, we went back into the crowd, looking for a club where my friend had been waiting for about hour. I asked the bouncer of one of the many bars there for directions, and when I turn around to find Baba, he's gone.
The word in my head at the moment was gratitude.
Thank you God for giving me the chance to party in the amazing city that is Hong Kong
Thank you for letting me be Andre, and not an immigrant drug dealer
Thank you for sending me weed bearing angels as I have needed them throughout my travels.
August 27 2011
I had a lunchtime trans-pacific flight the next day, meaning I had to get up early the next morning. I had to make a decision: go to bed early and get up early, well-rested for an entire day of travel, or, party all night in Hong Kong, stumble drunkenly onto the plane, and pass out for my 12.5 hour flight. Being a Hong Kong addict, I went with the latter.
I was meeting a friend at a club in the Lan Kwai Fong area, but was having serious difficulty finding this club. I wandered around, refusing to ask for directions, as it is a bitch move. As I got more and more lost, it became apparent to anyone watching me that I was, in fact, lost.
I walked past a park, and saw an Indian man sitting on bench, looking about as shady as a lonely minority sitting in an empty park near the bar district of metropolitan city can look. Nonetheless, our eyes met. As I approached him to ask where this bar was, there was a certain acknoledgement in our eye contact that indicated to both of us that we had one thing in common: an appreciation for recreational drugs.
"What are you looking for?"
"Well, a bar, but how much for _______?"
After a few seconds, it was apparent that there would be no transaction. I wasn't surprised, I was broke and prices in Hong Kong are ridiculous. What I didn't expect was for him to offer to smoke me out and show me to the bar.
As a walked down an empty, roach infested alley, I started to what wonder if my better judgement was being applied here. There are some lesson I've been taught all my life that were flashing through my mind. Don't talk to strangers. Don't do drugs. Don't walk down dark alleyways. Don't walk down dark alleyways with strangers to do drugs
I overreacted, as we proceeded to get into much better moods. Apparently hustlin' on the park bench had left my friend Baba stressed, and in need of a brown friend to smoke a joint with. Once we were done, we went back into the crowd, looking for a club where my friend had been waiting for about hour. I asked the bouncer of one of the many bars there for directions, and when I turn around to find Baba, he's gone.
The word in my head at the moment was gratitude.
Thank you God for giving me the chance to party in the amazing city that is Hong Kong
Thank you for letting me be Andre, and not an immigrant drug dealer
Thank you for sending me weed bearing angels as I have needed them throughout my travels.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
People
It's so easy to meet people abroad. Locals may befriend a foreigner for a number of reasons. Many locals are learning English and are eager to make non-Chinese friends. Many women seek a foreigner boyfriend, which has become fairly fashionable from what I've seen. If one can speak Chinese, it makes it even easier. The Chinese value their relationships as well, and they are strengthened over lavish dinners and night out at KTV. Having a local to be your friend and hangout with is pretty easy in China...
Befriending other ex pats is even easier. You walk into a bar, see another foreigner, and there's this moment of "huh". An instantaneous comradery forms simply because you are both in a strange environment. Where people are from, what they are doing there, etc., these are things you are actually interested while meeting fellow ex pats.
The sensation of socializing makes these people interesting to you. I feel that in America people are only genuinely interested in you if you provide utility to them. Sex, an image, money, maybe drugs; you are interested in people if they can bring these things to the table. Socialization for socialization's sake is rare.
Whereas before I just wanted to talk to anybody that could understand me, now all we seek is those who understand us and that we can use. I'd almost prefer it if all my friends would go with me to china so we can hang out there.
Befriending other ex pats is even easier. You walk into a bar, see another foreigner, and there's this moment of "huh". An instantaneous comradery forms simply because you are both in a strange environment. Where people are from, what they are doing there, etc., these are things you are actually interested while meeting fellow ex pats.
The sensation of socializing makes these people interesting to you. I feel that in America people are only genuinely interested in you if you provide utility to them. Sex, an image, money, maybe drugs; you are interested in people if they can bring these things to the table. Socialization for socialization's sake is rare.
Whereas before I just wanted to talk to anybody that could understand me, now all we seek is those who understand us and that we can use. I'd almost prefer it if all my friends would go with me to china so we can hang out there.
Friday, September 16, 2011
I'm Baaack
So, I decided to come home for the time being. It's gonna take a while for boats filled with bottles to arrive to Asia from Canada, so I really have nothing to do until then. Well, thats kind of a lie. I could've kept teaching English, studying Chinese, expanding my network, but I was homesick like a muh fugga.
My mom offered to pay for my ticket back to China for me to come home for Christmas. Considering the timing of the business, it just was not reasonable in a business sense to come home in December. Considering I had nothing to do in China, as I previously mentioned, I felt if I was going to come home, now is the best time.
I had fantasized often about what would happen when I got home. Let's see how long the illusion lasts as I am now a foreigner in my own home.
My mom offered to pay for my ticket back to China for me to come home for Christmas. Considering the timing of the business, it just was not reasonable in a business sense to come home in December. Considering I had nothing to do in China, as I previously mentioned, I felt if I was going to come home, now is the best time.
I had fantasized often about what would happen when I got home. Let's see how long the illusion lasts as I am now a foreigner in my own home.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Meeting Post Thoughts
I think at this point we're not popular enough to compete effectively to a point. We're aren't big enough to where distributors and retailers will be interested in buying several thousand bottles and having exclusivity in the Chinese market. Obviously we'd love someone to buy a ton a bottles, and that way we'd be done with it, but it seems that the market for ice wine is still in its infancy. Affluent Chinese are still uneducated about wine, especially dessert wine. Retailers recognize there is potential but they are unwilling to take the risk. Additionally, I'm a little concerned about our price. We are looking to sell a bottle of our ice wine or 500 RMB for a bottle of 200ml. We are confident that it will sell, especially if we have a partner who has a demand for their ice wine already. But, we need to revamp our strategy.
Quality assurance, security, and the prospect of having a thriving and lasting business relationship is what is ideal for St. Laurent. This is why we would prefer to deal with a single partner in China who shares our vision. But, due to reasons mentioned previously it seems expecting someone to invest heavily is a tad unreasonable. Therefore, we need to make several sales to push smaller shipments into China. It will require a little more research on our behalf, but I feel it may be even more beneficial for us.
The big fish is out there, but we need the right bait. Thus, we need to penetrate the market asap and build the culture of drinking icewine from the ground up. I feel that if we get numerous orders of of 250, 500, and 1,000 bottles, we can make more money in the long run. Additionally, we'll learn much about the business and market, so when we do find that big fish, we'll be ready and not get taken advantage of.
The marketing is everything, but if we can get solid investments, we'll be able to promote our product with greater facility. We need a price list, and we need people to try the wine ASAP. Meetings, pitches, we need to get serious.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Apartments in China
I've been living out of hotels in the last few weeks, I guess its the life of a salesman/hustler like myself. Due to the expenses, I decided to start looking for an apartment in the metropolis of Shenzhen, due to its convenience (an hour from Guangzhou, it borders HK, but its cheaper than HK, etc.). I realized yesterday that the first tier cities of China are not only much more expensive than the second tier cities (like Dalian, where I lived for a year), but their costs are similar to that of Western cities. I saw a few serviced apartments, which were definitely out of my price range. I was willing to make the move, but realized that Shenzhen is such a massive city, that it really isn't so convenient to move around.
Nonetheless, I thought I had found my apartment. It was affordable, in a great location with a local Chinese market, and near Western-style bars. When I visted there were a few things I was concerned about. First, was that there was a lack of AC in the living room. Considering its a fucking sauna in Shenzhen, I was worried. But, there was AC in the room, as well as wireless internet, which is rarer than most westerners would believe. Just as I was about to sign on the dotted line, I saw the bathroom.
Me: Where's the toilet? (looks at Chinese/old world toilet)...Oh
Landlady: You are in china, but you'll get used to it
Me: Hmm, and what are all these buckets with water for, does it flush?
Landlady: That's how you clean it
Needless to say, I'm still in a hotel in Zhangmutou, a small city outside Shenzhen. Believe it or not, it's actually more convenient (and cheaper) to stay here when doing business in the Guangdong area. Besides, I'm hustling way too hard to shit in a hole.
Nonetheless, I thought I had found my apartment. It was affordable, in a great location with a local Chinese market, and near Western-style bars. When I visted there were a few things I was concerned about. First, was that there was a lack of AC in the living room. Considering its a fucking sauna in Shenzhen, I was worried. But, there was AC in the room, as well as wireless internet, which is rarer than most westerners would believe. Just as I was about to sign on the dotted line, I saw the bathroom.
Me: Where's the toilet? (looks at Chinese/old world toilet)...Oh
Landlady: You are in china, but you'll get used to it
Me: Hmm, and what are all these buckets with water for, does it flush?
Landlady: That's how you clean it
Needless to say, I'm still in a hotel in Zhangmutou, a small city outside Shenzhen. Believe it or not, it's actually more convenient (and cheaper) to stay here when doing business in the Guangdong area. Besides, I'm hustling way too hard to shit in a hole.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Business Meetings in China
So...people are interested in our Ice Wine. Shit is about to pop off, but the Chinse business environment presents numerous obstacles. A lot of people bitch to us about the price (suggest retail is 80 USD for a bottle of 200ml), even though they are aware that we're selling a luxury product that is not meant to be purchased by everyone. People also want exclusive rights to sell our wine in China, which is worth a lot to us considering how massive the market is. One company even wanted us to pay him 50,000 RMB, ship him an entire container from Quebec to China (on our dime), and give them exclusivity.
So, we don't have any sales as of yet, because as you can see an optimal partnership is hard to find. Nonetheless, this shit has been fun. In one meeting, the president of an investment firm interested in the wine popped a bottle of 1,200 RMB cognac during our discussion. We proceeded to get FUCKED UP. By the end of the meeting, this guy was wobbling while walking us out.
It's not all great though, especially when you don't know much Chinese. But I can fake it pretty well. It's kind of a weird sensation when a Chinese man is looking at you directly in your eyes as if you understand him. You better not flinch though, and laugh at every joke he says. At a certain point their translator was struggling with her English. Not all was lost though, as they had a French translator because they deal with French wines a lot. My partner is from Quebec, so it allowed the meeting to continue. I, however, speak no French. At a certain point, my drunken self looked around and realized "I'm the only one here who has no clue what the fuck is going on"
So, we don't have any sales as of yet, because as you can see an optimal partnership is hard to find. Nonetheless, this shit has been fun. In one meeting, the president of an investment firm interested in the wine popped a bottle of 1,200 RMB cognac during our discussion. We proceeded to get FUCKED UP. By the end of the meeting, this guy was wobbling while walking us out.
It's not all great though, especially when you don't know much Chinese. But I can fake it pretty well. It's kind of a weird sensation when a Chinese man is looking at you directly in your eyes as if you understand him. You better not flinch though, and laugh at every joke he says. At a certain point their translator was struggling with her English. Not all was lost though, as they had a French translator because they deal with French wines a lot. My partner is from Quebec, so it allowed the meeting to continue. I, however, speak no French. At a certain point, my drunken self looked around and realized "I'm the only one here who has no clue what the fuck is going on"
Monday, July 18, 2011
A Day Off
Her name is Pam. She is from the Netherlands. I had met her earlier and offered to accompany her around the city. We proceeded to get fucking LOST in HK. We saw several places, took many buses, but mostly, we talked. Her English was great, so she was able to get my horrible sense of humor. Overall, I think I layed my game down flat. That is, until the end of the afternoon. I don't know why, but I didn't make a move. Her eyes were gorgeous, definitely green with a touch of hazel on the inside.
Nonetheless, it's not all over. I have her phone number and she's here for the long haul. I don't know why I assumed I can do better, because if I really felt that way I wouldn't have spent an afternoon with her. Nonetheless, she's in my league and well worth the effort. If only I wasn't so goddamn busy with this business.
As much regret as I have, I must turn the great Juelz Santana at a time like this. MONEY OVER BITCHES
Nonetheless, it's not all over. I have her phone number and she's here for the long haul. I don't know why I assumed I can do better, because if I really felt that way I wouldn't have spent an afternoon with her. Nonetheless, she's in my league and well worth the effort. If only I wasn't so goddamn busy with this business.
As much regret as I have, I must turn the great Juelz Santana at a time like this. MONEY OVER BITCHES
First Day as a Business Man
So, I lose shit easily. Small things mostly, like keys, cards, etc. Before I was certain it was due to the permanent damage being constantly stoned over the last five years, but considering my lack of cheeba here in Shenzhen/Hong Kong, I really must realize that I simply am not careful/thorough enough. Its time to realize that the devil is in the details, and to lose or fuck up the way I have been is not befitting of a 23 year old man. Today was one of those days where I ate bowls of shit throughout the day. I've crossed the HK/Shenzhen border twice, which now makes for four times in three days. I've been to.two banks, as well as Chungking Mansions today. If you don't know what Chungking Mansions is, it is a building featuring several hostels in the Tsim Sha Tsui area of Hong Kong. Before actually making it to your hostel, you have to navigate through several Indians and Africans offering fake Rolex watches and any drug you may desire (at exorbitant prices, BTW).
Anyway, all of these places feature several minutes of waiting in line, which is the one thing I loathe the most in this world. I was running an errand for my partner in HK while he was exhibiting our wines in Shenzhen. This was a great opportunity to see first hand exactly how a trade show goes does. Introducing product, making pitches, making contacts, setting appointments, etc., these are all things I missed the opportunity to witness because I was stuck with all this inane shit!
BUT, all is well that ends well. And my friends, it's looking like it will end well. Our ice wine took three awards, and fortunately, they will be awarded tomorrow. SO, I won't miss the chance to shake hands and get my picture taken, which is really what matters, isn't it?
In the end, there are certain things that kept me through the day. After my bank ordeal, I was sitting in the metro, fearing for my career. At that moment, a man walked in with a shirt that said in big bold letters "EVERY CLOUD HAS A SILVER LINING". It was exactly what I needed, and I know it was not random. Two minutes earlier, I had prayed to God. I normally just feel better after praying, which is enough of a sign for me that I'm being heard. Hours later, the whole situation was settled. Just so you know, God is listening!
Anyway, all of these places feature several minutes of waiting in line, which is the one thing I loathe the most in this world. I was running an errand for my partner in HK while he was exhibiting our wines in Shenzhen. This was a great opportunity to see first hand exactly how a trade show goes does. Introducing product, making pitches, making contacts, setting appointments, etc., these are all things I missed the opportunity to witness because I was stuck with all this inane shit!
BUT, all is well that ends well. And my friends, it's looking like it will end well. Our ice wine took three awards, and fortunately, they will be awarded tomorrow. SO, I won't miss the chance to shake hands and get my picture taken, which is really what matters, isn't it?
In the end, there are certain things that kept me through the day. After my bank ordeal, I was sitting in the metro, fearing for my career. At that moment, a man walked in with a shirt that said in big bold letters "EVERY CLOUD HAS A SILVER LINING". It was exactly what I needed, and I know it was not random. Two minutes earlier, I had prayed to God. I normally just feel better after praying, which is enough of a sign for me that I'm being heard. Hours later, the whole situation was settled. Just so you know, God is listening!
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Selfish...
I'm fairly egotistical, selfish, and I get bored easily. The combination of these three characteristics makes me pretty horrible at maintaining a romantic relationship. I feel relationships work if you are willing make willing to sacrifice yourself for someone else. I feel to truly be in love is to care about the feelings and desires of others and appreciating what you have, never taking anyone/thing for granted.
For me, I think its a matter of mental discipline. If I really want to and I really try, I can make someone else happy. But, when I don't get everything I want, I refuse to appreciate what the person does for me and instead feel like I am settling for a situation rather than striving toward something greater. For example, I love receiving oral sex. It's basically my favorite. So, when a woman does not go down on me I start to feel like I can do better. I start to think that I can find a woman just as good as this one, but who is willing to go down on me. I forget to appreciate that this woman will have actual sex with me, cooks for me, cleans for me, and is willing to put up with my stupid sense of humor.
What I fail to do is address the problem, and instead I just let it destroy the relationship. I never ask for oral, I feel that is kind of a bitch move. I just don't think it's a request or demand that a man should make. I find it much sexier when a woman wants to go down on you. So, when in bed I anticipate disappointment from not getting a blowjob, which ends up affecting the entire mood. Additionally, I get a much better erection if I receive oral sex, which in turn makes sex better for the both of us. But, to tell a girl that just makes it seem like you're scheming on her to suck your dick.
At the same time, allowing this to affect me and not sharing my desires with my partner may be worse. By keeping her in the dark, and continuously acting disappointed when all she does is kiss my ears, I'm setting her up for failure. If she knew why I was disappointed, she can address the problem. She may not suck my dick, because I feel like if its something she doesn't mind doing in the first place she wouldn't be waiting to be asked to do it. But, by telling her I can be (somehow) closer to addressing the issue.
So, it seems that one way or another, I've made my decision. I don't see myself settling, especially with the prospect of spending over a month apart coming soon. But, because I enjoy being with her, I enjoy talking to her, and the guilt that comes with breaking up with some is too much for me at times, I will continue to spend awkward nights with her, contemplating what to do. See how selfish I am?
For me, I think its a matter of mental discipline. If I really want to and I really try, I can make someone else happy. But, when I don't get everything I want, I refuse to appreciate what the person does for me and instead feel like I am settling for a situation rather than striving toward something greater. For example, I love receiving oral sex. It's basically my favorite. So, when a woman does not go down on me I start to feel like I can do better. I start to think that I can find a woman just as good as this one, but who is willing to go down on me. I forget to appreciate that this woman will have actual sex with me, cooks for me, cleans for me, and is willing to put up with my stupid sense of humor.
What I fail to do is address the problem, and instead I just let it destroy the relationship. I never ask for oral, I feel that is kind of a bitch move. I just don't think it's a request or demand that a man should make. I find it much sexier when a woman wants to go down on you. So, when in bed I anticipate disappointment from not getting a blowjob, which ends up affecting the entire mood. Additionally, I get a much better erection if I receive oral sex, which in turn makes sex better for the both of us. But, to tell a girl that just makes it seem like you're scheming on her to suck your dick.
At the same time, allowing this to affect me and not sharing my desires with my partner may be worse. By keeping her in the dark, and continuously acting disappointed when all she does is kiss my ears, I'm setting her up for failure. If she knew why I was disappointed, she can address the problem. She may not suck my dick, because I feel like if its something she doesn't mind doing in the first place she wouldn't be waiting to be asked to do it. But, by telling her I can be (somehow) closer to addressing the issue.
So, it seems that one way or another, I've made my decision. I don't see myself settling, especially with the prospect of spending over a month apart coming soon. But, because I enjoy being with her, I enjoy talking to her, and the guilt that comes with breaking up with some is too much for me at times, I will continue to spend awkward nights with her, contemplating what to do. See how selfish I am?
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Praying
I really don't know why, but I've been praying a lot more as of late. I'm not religious, and I definitely am not what I or most others would consider to be a good person. But, I feel like I've needed some guidance, support, or someone/thing to confide in. It's great.
I don't know what it is, but I get a rush across my torso, it's almost as if I feel God.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Chinese Hangover
I'm only writing this because I'm at work and I have to be awake right now...
The Chinese are known bootleggers/pirates/desecrators of intellectual property, and at times its great. For example, if I want to have the sensation of owning a Dolce & Gabanna wallet without paying $500, I can thanks to the Chinese. This goes for many types of products - watches, shoes, electronics, etc. But, the Chinese have decided to make fake beers and liquors, which I view as immoral. Any sort of piracy is unethical, but I wouldn't say all of it is immoral. I won't get into my reasoning, but some of it is fueled by the fact that this fake booze gives the worst hangovers.
I feel like I slammed my forehead into a brick wall. There's a ringing sound that is drowning out any other noise that I hear. My stomach is queasy, and I'm afraid to eat anything.
I guess that doesn't sound any different than a domestic hangover. But it's just worse, who knows what I'm really putting into my body with this bootleg alcohol. The Chinese place a lot of stock in a product consumed in public, which is why they want more foreign/expensive drinks. This leads to the production/ my consumption of fake booze. Which has to be poisonous. No matter how much I smoke and snooze, the feeling persists. I literally want to chop my head off just to get rid of this headache right now.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Chinese Banks
I hate the bank here. It's like going to the DMV, doing crown work at the dentist, and dealing with a shitty American bank all rolled into one. When you walk in, you have to take a number, as there are probably a good half dozen people there waiting ahead of you.
Implication: You're not going anywhere for at least 15-20 minutes.
You can see how despite opening their communist economy, the Chinese still love them some red tape. To fill our forms and throw down a stamp each and every form seems to be what makes a bank teller's heart content. I lost my bank card, which is a worrying scenario to be in, but its not the end of the world. That is, I wouldn't have to panic if I was in America. In China, you basically have to get a new bank account. Many forms. You also have to specify that if you want the money from the current account in the new one (which is something that doesn't seems to naturally make sense to my bank here). More forms.
Here's the best part, most of these transactions take a WEEK to complete. In America, this wouldn't be an issue. If one loses their card, they can still access their money using their ID. In China, you need a card to access your money. And since you're waiting a week to get it, you can't touch YOUR money for a week. When you ask them what the point of even putting your money in a bank, they look at you like you're crazy.
The whole experience makes your brain hurt, hurts your pride, and leaves people with very little fucking money for the next week.
Implication: You're not going anywhere for at least 15-20 minutes.
You can see how despite opening their communist economy, the Chinese still love them some red tape. To fill our forms and throw down a stamp each and every form seems to be what makes a bank teller's heart content. I lost my bank card, which is a worrying scenario to be in, but its not the end of the world. That is, I wouldn't have to panic if I was in America. In China, you basically have to get a new bank account. Many forms. You also have to specify that if you want the money from the current account in the new one (which is something that doesn't seems to naturally make sense to my bank here). More forms.
Here's the best part, most of these transactions take a WEEK to complete. In America, this wouldn't be an issue. If one loses their card, they can still access their money using their ID. In China, you need a card to access your money. And since you're waiting a week to get it, you can't touch YOUR money for a week. When you ask them what the point of even putting your money in a bank, they look at you like you're crazy.
The whole experience makes your brain hurt, hurts your pride, and leaves people with very little fucking money for the next week.
Monday, June 27, 2011
April 2011
It's ironic, but I've traveled over 6,000 miles away from my home to "find myself". I never thought however, that I may have already found myself, only to not be satisfied with who that person is. Crossing the Pacific may simply have been a subconscious push towards transformation disguised as self-discovery.
It's ironic, but I've traveled over 6,000 miles away from my home to "find myself". I never thought however, that I may have already found myself, only to not be satisfied with who that person is. Crossing the Pacific may simply have been a subconscious push towards transformation disguised as self-discovery.
Awkward...
So, I met someone I really like, which has caused me to cut off communication/booty calling with a near handful of women over the past months. I tried several approaches, such as actually telling them I didn't want to see them. I've also lied about several things, evading them to a point where I hope they get the point. Lastly, my favorite, I've just ignored them. That one is my favorite, as I assume the city is too big to ever run into them again.
Its all pretty silly, that I am vain enough to think they'd give a fuck I didn't want to see them. Either way, I still didn't want to see any of these women.
I go to a friend's party, and two steps in is F______, whose last words to me were "you're so selfish, you should find a foreigner girlfriend". I played it about as cooly as possible, she just smiled and said hi. She didn't seem to harbor any ill will, saying she thought I had left town. Just as I was about to escape I realized she was talking to T_____, who I mentioned earlier in a post. She nodded her head down slightly, as she was there with a friend of mine. In fact, F____ was there with another friend of mine. It seems that when I cleared the bench these girls found another foreigner.
Overall, I learned a few things that night. For one, nobody is going to waste that much time on you if you don't want to be with them, life is too short. Second, I had always carried a lot of guilt with me for every woman I brushed off. I know now that as long as I do what I feel, and I'm not wasting someone's time, I really shouldn't feel guilty if I think there's no future in seeing someone anymore.
I'm happy for these women, as they no longer have to deal with me anymore...
Review: Big Sean - Finally Famous
I am conflicted when it comes to Big Sean. I feel that he has some great verses, and there are times where he demonstrates the type of rhyming that separates rappers from MC's. On the other hand, when he's not pushing his lyrical boundaries, one wonders what separates Big Sean from other superficial up and comers. Songs such as What Goes Around, So Much More, and Memories, show that Big Sean really deserves to be on the same label as Common Sense, and to have a guestlist featuring Pharrel, Lupe Fiasco, and Pusha T. In terms of production, you can see the more synthetic, less organic sound that has characterized the production of many contemporaries. Marvin Gaye and Chardonnay has a sound that you can hear on Kanye's new album. Nonetheless, No I.D. Manages to maintain some soul on the record, which is a must considering his status as Kanye's mentor and that Sean comes from Mo-Town.
As much as I like all of these things about this album, its many faults left me wanting more from Sean. It's obvious Big Sean really likes being rich, having nice things, smoking weed, popping bottles, fucking models, blah fucking blah blah. When there aren't slick punchlines and a decent beat to combine with already monotonous lyrics, you have a song like Dance (A$$), which just sucks.
Honestly, I may be unfair, but when you hear a great verse from an artist, you expect him to
consistently be a great MC, and not settle. There are so many rappers who fit this profile to try and find an easy way to connecting to people. Here's what I mean, this is from Memories Part II:
A workaholic addicted to bills,
people addicted to me cuz they addicted to real
My best friend got addicted to pills,
I can't look him in his eyes. You don't know how that shit feels
mentally. I ain't trying to rock no shirts that say “In memory”
I'm praying that he make it, wishin' we could go back
Cuz honestly all the times that we had will be the best memories
That is real shit, and that is something I can connect to. Other songs off the album, when compared to lyrics like above, are just trash.
Overall though, the album is solid, and has versatility. However, I can only see some of these tracks having replay value, because they are the only ones with substance. In addition, it seems a bit formulaic as well. It seems like the tracks are there to fill a quota as opposed to fill a role in the concept of an album. I mean, the titles are dead giveaways. There's the club track (Dance A$$), there's a weed anthem (High), the justify my thug gangsta track (100 Keys), and so forth. As a result, I can't give this album four stars. Nonetheless, Big Sean is nice and versatile MC, if only he was more daring in his songs.
3.5/5
Thursday, June 23, 2011
嘻哈
Over the last year and change, I have lived in Dalian, China teaching English/ donating swag. Hip Hop is already pretty shitty in America, so you can imagine what it's like here in China. I do hear a lot of Hip Hop, and you see some of the fashion, but its played out. The music is old, mainstream. If I go out this weekend, I bet you the DJ will feel obligated to play the Eminem's The Way You Lie with Rihanna, or DMX's Lose my Mind, or Dre's The Next Episode. There is no experimentation, no way of fusing various elements into your own individual style.
People here think hip hop is cool, but they fail to see it as a form of self expression. They fail to see that by wearing a New Era to look like someone in a video, they undermine the whole purpose of Hip Hop: being different than those around you, being able to think for yourself, and finding a way to celebrate your differences while accepting the differences of others.
With the internet, I was able to stay about as up to date as a head can without having to deal with adjusting to a new country, culture shock, etc. This isn't a list of the best Hip Hop albums during my time here, just my favorites.
10. Eminem - Recovery
I have to admit that while I liked the album and consider Em to be a legend, I did not listen to Recovery much. I feel that it was deeply personal, to a degree which I couldn't connect to Em. But, you can tell Em got his flow a razor sharp wit back. Em's work with Royce da 5'9" is much more exciting to me at this point, they feature b-boy raps moreso than introspective songs. But, he needed to make this album, which has some great songs that should make his greatest hits album, which is saying something for someone who is easily one of the top 10 mc's ever.
9. Big K.R.I.T. - Return of 4eva
This is that Southern Hip Hop that all heads can enjoy. His beats have the energy of a B.O.B., but the guy can actually rhyme and he has a flow. Although this is music to ride to, a listen to KRIT's rhymes will show you that there is substance in his music. He's an everyman who never sold drugs and makes every attempt to relate to his listerns, rather than belittle their socioeconomic status.
8. Curren$y and the Alchemist - Covert Coup
It's unfortunate for both of these that this was not released as an album, because it typifies why both have a special place in this game. The Alchemist has produced for the greatest rappers of all time, and his sound is a classic gritty street hop sound that meshes so well with Raekwon, Mobb Deep, and Nas. Curren$y is finally on a major label, and his work ethic is second to none. His subject matter is fairly limited, but his charisma on the mic and clever rhymes more than make up for it. This mixtape is actual better than both of the albums he released this year.
7. Cam'ron & Vado - Gunz and Butta/ Boss of all Bosses 2
Cam has always been a favorite of mine, as I consider him to be one of the most underrated mc's in Hip Hop and an undeniable legend. Having been in the game so long, he's inevitably made plenty of stale, shitty music. But, he found a new MC in Vado who has the charisma to make it on his own without Cam's cosign. Nonetheless, the two have great charisma together, trading coke rap and hilarious punchlines over some pretty banging beats. There isn't anything of real substance here, but most mc's can take a lesson from Cam'ron on how to construct a rhyme and many "smart" MC's don't have punchlines as clever as Vado's
5. Freddie Gibbs - Str8 Killa, No Filla
The most gangster record I've listed to in a while. Gibbs rhymes with a viciousness I cannot remember hearing in a long time. Clever, humble, and just a pure G, he rhymes with an aggressiveness that makes his stories more believable. Yet, Gibbs is in no way glorifying or using the realities of the streets of Gary, Indiana for his own gain. He treats each subject with a maturity and sense of regret that could only come from someone who has actually done dirt in the streets. THIS is street music.
4. Lloyd Banks - The Hunger for More 2
Due to his G-Unit affiliations, one can't expect too much from Banks in terms of mind-blowing lyricism. But, with a razor sharp flow, punchlines for days, an ear for beats, and enough influence to pull together a great guestlist, I have to believe Lloyd Banks has New York on his back as we speak. This album had club bangers, radio friendly singles, street anthems, and everything one hopes to get when they spend money on an album. It won't be remembered as a classic, but its a solid album that was carefully crafted from an MC who can no longer be overlooked because of his affiliations with 50 Cent
3. J. Cole - Friday Night Lights
Though it's easy to learn that J. Cole is contradictory in many facets, you cannot take away how provocative his rhymes are, or how flawless his flow is, or how brilliant his song concepts are, or how in tune he is with human relationships. We find a man who is conscious of the world around him, which itself is full of contradictions, making it much easier to look past J. Cole's and just notice his amazing rhymes.
2. Kid Cudi - The Legend of Mr. Rager
I'm going to say this: Cudi can't really rap. But, Cudi is one of the few (good) artists where the listener must focus more on the music than the rhymes. The mood he creates with the beats he picks and the songs he write s is dark, brooding, menacing, and it pushes Hip Hop in a new, unexplored direction. Though his subject matter and humility lack in comparison to his classic debut, this album is more adventurous, and in this day of conformity, one must applaud such an effort.
1. Kanye West - My Beautiful, Dark, Twisted Fantasy
This album is a tour de force. While most rappers are just trying to be heard, or just trying to rhyme, or just ANYTHING to get you to like them, Kanye is being an artist. Say what you want about Kanye, and there's plenty to dislike, but the music is Hip Hop heaven. So many days of mine were spent listening Devil in a New Dress on the bus, I really can't think of my time in China without thinking of this album. In a way, its everything China is. Big, gaudy, full of flaws, but not to be denied. Nonetheless, it is in the flaws where one sees Kanye's passion for his craft. This album set the standard for Hip Hop for the new decade.
People here think hip hop is cool, but they fail to see it as a form of self expression. They fail to see that by wearing a New Era to look like someone in a video, they undermine the whole purpose of Hip Hop: being different than those around you, being able to think for yourself, and finding a way to celebrate your differences while accepting the differences of others.
With the internet, I was able to stay about as up to date as a head can without having to deal with adjusting to a new country, culture shock, etc. This isn't a list of the best Hip Hop albums during my time here, just my favorites.
10. Eminem - Recovery
I have to admit that while I liked the album and consider Em to be a legend, I did not listen to Recovery much. I feel that it was deeply personal, to a degree which I couldn't connect to Em. But, you can tell Em got his flow a razor sharp wit back. Em's work with Royce da 5'9" is much more exciting to me at this point, they feature b-boy raps moreso than introspective songs. But, he needed to make this album, which has some great songs that should make his greatest hits album, which is saying something for someone who is easily one of the top 10 mc's ever.
9. Big K.R.I.T. - Return of 4eva
This is that Southern Hip Hop that all heads can enjoy. His beats have the energy of a B.O.B., but the guy can actually rhyme and he has a flow. Although this is music to ride to, a listen to KRIT's rhymes will show you that there is substance in his music. He's an everyman who never sold drugs and makes every attempt to relate to his listerns, rather than belittle their socioeconomic status.
8. Curren$y and the Alchemist - Covert Coup
It's unfortunate for both of these that this was not released as an album, because it typifies why both have a special place in this game. The Alchemist has produced for the greatest rappers of all time, and his sound is a classic gritty street hop sound that meshes so well with Raekwon, Mobb Deep, and Nas. Curren$y is finally on a major label, and his work ethic is second to none. His subject matter is fairly limited, but his charisma on the mic and clever rhymes more than make up for it. This mixtape is actual better than both of the albums he released this year.
7. Cam'ron & Vado - Gunz and Butta/ Boss of all Bosses 2
Cam has always been a favorite of mine, as I consider him to be one of the most underrated mc's in Hip Hop and an undeniable legend. Having been in the game so long, he's inevitably made plenty of stale, shitty music. But, he found a new MC in Vado who has the charisma to make it on his own without Cam's cosign. Nonetheless, the two have great charisma together, trading coke rap and hilarious punchlines over some pretty banging beats. There isn't anything of real substance here, but most mc's can take a lesson from Cam'ron on how to construct a rhyme and many "smart" MC's don't have punchlines as clever as Vado's
6. Lupe Fiasco - LASERS
I really don't know what to say about this album. Compared to albums made by artists more popular than him, this album is cut from another cloth. BUT, when compared with Lupe's previous work and the other records on this list, LASERS simply doesn't stack up as a satisfying listening experience. Maybe its unfair to hold Lupe to the expectations I had for him over the last few years (as in, Hip Hop's greatest hope), but its clear at points in the album he does deserve those expectations. Overall, however, the effort seems uninspired.
5. Freddie Gibbs - Str8 Killa, No Filla
The most gangster record I've listed to in a while. Gibbs rhymes with a viciousness I cannot remember hearing in a long time. Clever, humble, and just a pure G, he rhymes with an aggressiveness that makes his stories more believable. Yet, Gibbs is in no way glorifying or using the realities of the streets of Gary, Indiana for his own gain. He treats each subject with a maturity and sense of regret that could only come from someone who has actually done dirt in the streets. THIS is street music.
4. Lloyd Banks - The Hunger for More 2
Due to his G-Unit affiliations, one can't expect too much from Banks in terms of mind-blowing lyricism. But, with a razor sharp flow, punchlines for days, an ear for beats, and enough influence to pull together a great guestlist, I have to believe Lloyd Banks has New York on his back as we speak. This album had club bangers, radio friendly singles, street anthems, and everything one hopes to get when they spend money on an album. It won't be remembered as a classic, but its a solid album that was carefully crafted from an MC who can no longer be overlooked because of his affiliations with 50 Cent
3. J. Cole - Friday Night Lights
Though it's easy to learn that J. Cole is contradictory in many facets, you cannot take away how provocative his rhymes are, or how flawless his flow is, or how brilliant his song concepts are, or how in tune he is with human relationships. We find a man who is conscious of the world around him, which itself is full of contradictions, making it much easier to look past J. Cole's and just notice his amazing rhymes.
2. Kid Cudi - The Legend of Mr. Rager
I'm going to say this: Cudi can't really rap. But, Cudi is one of the few (good) artists where the listener must focus more on the music than the rhymes. The mood he creates with the beats he picks and the songs he write s is dark, brooding, menacing, and it pushes Hip Hop in a new, unexplored direction. Though his subject matter and humility lack in comparison to his classic debut, this album is more adventurous, and in this day of conformity, one must applaud such an effort.
1. Kanye West - My Beautiful, Dark, Twisted Fantasy
This album is a tour de force. While most rappers are just trying to be heard, or just trying to rhyme, or just ANYTHING to get you to like them, Kanye is being an artist. Say what you want about Kanye, and there's plenty to dislike, but the music is Hip Hop heaven. So many days of mine were spent listening Devil in a New Dress on the bus, I really can't think of my time in China without thinking of this album. In a way, its everything China is. Big, gaudy, full of flaws, but not to be denied. Nonetheless, it is in the flaws where one sees Kanye's passion for his craft. This album set the standard for Hip Hop for the new decade.
Relationships
Mid May, 2011
I think I just slept with the most exotic women yet. There was something about her that was just cute as shit. She is a tiny, frail thing, who looks like she is almost in high school. Her features were fairly plain, there was nothing about her that was paticularly sexy. If anything, I feel that it was her likeness to a girl from college that attracted. This kind of goes against her exoticism, and to be honest, I don't know if anyone has described Mongolians as "exotic", but damn did she look like JP from college.
I'm currently not looking for a relationship, but I do feel they have merit. Right now I'm in a phase, but I feel that I want someone to open up to and grow with.
I mention this because, somehow, the word/concept came up while we were lying in bed. “Relationships are bullshit” she said. Considering the circumstances, I should've nodded my head dumbly in agreement. I didn't though, I said something along the lines like this,
“If a person wants to be with one person and share and grow with them I think that's great”
Talk about awkward, here I was, with a woman I just met a few hours ago and convinced to come home with me, defending relationships. Just as I was asking myself what I was thinking when I said that she gave me a look of befuddlement.
There was a silence in the stare we shared, as if we both new that there was an irony to the situation. In terms of gender, our interaction was supposed to go different.
There was a silence in the stare we shared, as if we both new that there was an irony to the situation. In terms of gender, our interaction was supposed to go different.
Overall, it really made me think about the purpose of these flings, considering ym desire for something more. If I really care about relationships, I really should act like it.
Condoms
There we were, in the supermarket. She had a pair of stockings to buy as she was ill dressed for the wind outside. I had a random assortment of shit: a drinking container made for tea, doublemint gum, and two scented candles. There was one item I knew I needed, as I had only one condom left in my apartment. I knew we were going back to my apartment, and I knew what would happen if we went there, and I knew that it may happen more than once. However, the prospect of grabbing condoms of the rack while we were
shopping together seemed presumptious. I kept thinking that it would look bad to just say...
shopping together seemed presumptious. I kept thinking that it would look bad to just say...
"Hey, I gotta grab one last thing." [pick up pack of condoms] "I'll be needing these later, if you know what I'm saying." [give nudge with my elbow]
How would she react? To giggle in agreement does not sound that farfetched, but at the time it was not how the scenario was playing in my mind...
"And why do you want condoms? Do you plan on having sex anytime soon?"
I decided to not buy the condoms and proceed cooly. Things went as I had hoped, or as I should have figured, as badly as possible...
(In a very Asian accent)LH : "Why do you only have one condom? Do you not like fucking?"
KTV
The most popular nightime activity in China is by far KTV. KTV is like VIP karaoke. You get to choose songs and sing along to them, but the stage and audience are different than the Western experience. You get your own room, and you dont endure or sing in front of anybody you do not know. To compare this to the Western way is useless, which features a big space for all parties and a single stage in the middle. There are simply too many people here who want to sing with their friends that such a set up would not be possible. You would be waiting forever. Each KTV establishment is an opulent, mansion-like operation. They are three to five floors each, with plush hallways filled with rooms for you and your friends to belt the night away. I get the feeling sometimes than I am in some upper crust brothel. The over-the-top fanciness gives me a tacky feel. Everytime I go I have trouble coming to grips with the fact that all of this is for karaoke.
Why KTV is this popular is so curious to me. I once heard that KTV offers Chinese the rare opportunity to be the center of attention, as there are so many people here you often get pushed to the periphery.
I don't know if its true but it makes me wonder if that is my appeal to China and this city in particular. Do I feel like being in China give s me the same rush that singing a ballad in front of their friends gives to a Chinese person? The anology has some merit. I know full well that I'm not actually garnering any real amount of attention. The sensation is all an illusion, as feeling like somebody here in my city of China is not much different than feeling like a somebody in your KTV room.
Seeing strangers make a fool of themselves is much more fun to me than watching my friends butcher a horrible selection of songs. KTV is one of the few things in China that is more fun when you do it with Chinese people.
Spit
If you walk around long enough here in China, you happen have to notice the spitting. Chinese people spit much more than people in Europe or America. I am not casting judgement, I am simply making an observation. Someone once explained to me that it is because Chinese people, like people in Europe or America, suffer from respiratory congestion at times. When there is a clog in the chest or throat, a Chinese person does not swallow it down to try to create room in the passages. Instead, they spit it out onto the pavement.
When you consider it from a health perspective, it makes a good deal of sense. Aestetically, however, its pretty gross.
The Transformation
April 8, 2011
Overall, its curious to encapsulate. Its a mixture of emotions. I wish I had taken more opportunities to write what is going on, as I feel that would be a better way of understanding what I have gone through in my time here. My time here is almost over, and without it having really struck me, I have lived out of America for 10 months.
I assume that a person undergoes a constant process of change. However, evaluating how far you have come in a year's time is problematic. I feel that to do so places unreasonable expectations on the weight of a year. It assumes that a year is a long enough period of time that you have to change.
I feel that that this is what is happening to me now. A year ago I was doing things that were different. My expectations of what I could accomplish were so much lower. The scale of my goals then is dwarfed by the scale my desires today. Considering how different my current environment is from the one I used to live in, changes had to be spurred in the past year or so.
So what I have here is my 100 day theory. In the process of the 100 days, my goal is to come to terms with how much the person writing this is different from the person who came to China.
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